Mucking through the Maya

A good friend of mine, Rich B., was asking me if I had read anything about Drunvalo Melchizedek, a guy who has written on many topics including numerology. Below is my reply. I felt it seemed topical enough to repost here.

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Rich:
Have you had a chance to look at any Melchizedek stuff yet?

Sean:
Yes, but my problem is that I'm having trouble connecting with just about every topic. I'm really in a mode of not really caring about anything going on in the Maya right now. I was standing in my library, packing for my trip, looking for something to take to read. There were only a handful of books that I was even remotely interested in reading, and it took me some time to even select those. Most of them have to do with straight-up, hard core Enlightenment. I thought of bringing a book on Tarot and said now. I thought about Astrology and said no. I didn't even bring an Alan Watts book! Make that !!! So Melchizedek is not on my radar right now. (Shit, I should have brought Shanti's book! Crap, that would have been a good one. Well, next trip!)

Adya has some pretty interesting things to say about the paradox of looking within and finding Nothing AND Everything. Fuck, everything is a fucking paradox... At some point I'm just going to have to stop trying to resolve every damn paradox, which means that I'll have to let things go unresolved, which means that I will no longer have a solid paradigm in place, which means that I may as well stop thinking all together, WHICH I KNOW IS THE ULTIMATE OBJECTIVE OF THE PATH TO AWAKENING BUT IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!! ARGH!!!

What really sucks is:

A: Through the process of awakening I'm supposed to get confused at these paradoxes and let my understanding entirely fall apart.

B: I am fully aware of this.

C: By being fully aware of this, any time that I really feel that this is happening, I have to question myself and ask "Is this my spiritual ego that is coming to this conclusion?" Because if it is, then I'm trying to fool myself into thinking I'm somewhere further into the process than I really am.

D: In the past I would work hard to increase my understanding until the paradoxes were resolved. Now when I get to a paradox, I don't know if I'm actually at a real paradox that I cannot possibly resolve or if I'm just being lazy and am letting the paradoxes (paradoxi?) build up.

So now I don't even have the satisfaction of running into a paradox and letting it go because I can't figure out if it's my ego or not. (Hmm, maybe this is where intuition is supposed to come in.)

Whatever.